what you see may not be what you get

sometimes i just detest growing up.
so much more is expected of you and when you do not meet the expectations, you get ramblings making you feel like you're not worthy at all.
i've been surppressing and tolerating these feelings for the longest time.
they say you are shaped by your surroundings and people.
if at the age of twenty, i dont know what is right or wrong to do, then what the heck have i been living for the past 19 years?
i know for a fact that as long as i dont drug, get wasted or hang with the wrong crowd (which i never once did), all should be fine.

i guess there will always be an emotional emptiness in me that no one will understand.
no matter how strong a person may seems to be, there will always be a part of weakness.
if you dont let me fly, i will never learn to soar.
i wanna find my true self.
i hate it when i'm being compared, who likes it?
for a start, i dont think it's fair to be compared to people who have what seems like a perfect family. i sometimes, or rather, most of the time, wish you were more open minded.
i wanna be given more freedom to make choices and do what i want, to be exactly myself.
who i wanna be.
every year i look forward for a change in mindset but it never happens.
have you ever wondered what i wanted and how i felt?
the lack of confidence and courage to speak out.
they say when you turn 21, that's when you're fully a grown up and can 'fly'.
but i doub it's ever gonna happen to me.
sometimes, i wish i could experience life in a perfect family.
i dont hate my life now, really.
just that, sometimes, you feel the way you're not supposed to feel.

seeing people around my age with so much achievements, what about me?
because they dare to take that step forward to be different, while i always feel hesitant.

too much of anything is never good.
there's ALWAYS pros and cons to everything.

oh wtf. i seriously WANT. A. BREAK