what you see may not be what you get

i just read something i wonder why it has such a HUGE impact on me. like i am so friggin affected by it. i begin to feel insecure, i dont know when the people i trust most is going to turn their backs on me, i dont know how much a friend i mean to them, i dont know whether what i did touched their hearts, i dont know whether they felt my sincerity, i dont know... i dont know.... i dont know how to go about facing all these problems when disappointments just come crashing down on me one after another.

i so very much feel like living in the past sometimes but it's impossible because WE HAVE TO MOVE ON and that sucks. do you fucking know how much i'm hurt?

i blame myself for letting such things happen.
i should have put in a lil more effort and take more initiative.
all the "i should have" is just plain useless and i fucking hate myself now.
why does it all have to turn out this way?

there's no one i can talk to now.

one moment i'm all sunshine and the next, THUNDERSTORM.