what you see may not be what you get

-sigh-

someone said something to me on sun nite
and i dont know why i affected me so badly..
i longed to see that someone online but he
was never there.. i thought i could i just take
it as a joke and i want to take it as a joke
but i simply can't.

the words sounded grose and sick and why
am i still so affected by it? do i have a crush
on that special someone just cuz of what
was said? i dont want to be so silly and fall
into the trap of love. i tried it a few times and
i dont want to try it another time. i've been
waiting for that someone to come online to
talk to me.. i just feel something was missing.

can someone pull me thru and get me out of
this shitty mess? is it part of growin up? if it
is it suckz.

concert's in 1 more day.. pretty much prepared
but some ppl aren't prepared at all! still aren't
able to play and don't give a shit about it? i just
feel this concert is so much diff. from 2 yrs back.
i feel that the band doesn't sound as confident
as it was 2 yrs back. and the pieces we are playing
simply seems so short. 7 pieces seems a lot but
they're all kinna hsort pieces! screw-
just hope it'll go well and ppl would be shouting
for encore NOT cuz of giving face and cuz it was
really worth am encore! gonna try to put all my
concentration into the piece and dont make
stwepid mistakes. gonna stand walk and play
confidently.. tho the runnin notes for persis is
kinna screwed.. damn-

concert's round the corner and 50 tix left? what
is this? if the tix aren't sold.. POLKA! would end
just here. POLKA!II. that's not a good thing manz.
was is the audience 2 yrs back wasn't really happy
with our playing so they decided not come for the
2nd wan? i hope not cuz 2 yrs back the clapping
just went on and on even after the encore piece.

gonna pray that every will go smoothly and tix
would be sold by hook or by crook. i really
couldn't get anymore ppl to sell the tix to.
they're either busy or not interested. i don't want
them to spend their 12buckz just to sit there
and fall asleep. nonoNO!

oh well.. life's pretty screwed up for me.. just can't
wait for christmas. holy~holy~ presents! hahaXx..
time to shop for can and hugh.. aww.. my hard saved
$$$! but it's ok.. i'm nice! hahaXx..

am missin my darlinz now.. miss the times we spent
together in skool crappin and gossippin.. but things
would never be the same agn! aint it sad? part of me
wants skool to re-open soon.. while the other part of
doesn't. i just have a gut feeling that nothing would go
right and i'll be loner and a loser. that suckz totally if
you get what i mean! -wadeva-

-shittified life-